Starting and Stopping

Tis the season for straining, groaning, and regretting. Maybe some sweating. But there's more to this right?

Sometimes as the year draws to a close, I want to yell at myself to shut hell up. Stop second guessing everything you did in the last year. Stop over-analyzing your plans for a new year, and start doing what you want to do with it.

Easier said than…not said. Ever watch a movie that everyone swore was the “best movie of the year” and you had to lie about what you thought of it because you didn’t want to be the weirdo who was thinking…”eh”. This is how I feel at the end/beginning of each year. Yes I love the parties and the festivity of it all, sometimes, usually when I’m with really good friends, exploring new places, or even very very comfy in my jersey sweatpants with a good cocktail at home at 10:30pm. Do I love the hand-wringing and sisyphistic optmism of it all? No.

As a virgo, I love lists, it’s what my people do and what we like. But new year’s lists? No, not so much. Why? There’s no realism in it for most people. When someone shares a resolution with me that they themselves have made that’s big, like really big, I smile, congratulate and wave them on. But if you tell me a small one, and even better if you’ve got like 3 really small moves instead of one big one, now you’ve got my attention. Why? Because along with making lists, virgos should understand about judgement. Putting things into a list requires discernment, analysis and later, a judging of completion.

Am I going to share with you my list of 3s? No. Why, because I want me to judge me. Why? Because I’ll be way more exacting or harsh than anyone else, on myself. I don’t want the “out” of having a friend or coworker judge me. If I wanted that, I’d come up with a big resolution and tell the world. Then if I fail, I get the “well, there’s always next year” escape hatch.

No, Sisyphus is not for me this year. Instead I’m taking the much more Herculean effort of me, myself and I judging the small things I want to do for me (or others). So no, I will not tell you. I may show you though…